Eat a friggin' sandwich

Well. This is a nice transition from "holy crap that's nasty" to "Ew". It's a great start Kate! Keep those avacoado and lettuce sandwiches coming.

Say GoodBye to Trader Vics

Well folks, its time to say goodbye to Trader Vics for good!! Officially gone from their long held corner of Santa Monica and Wilshire, there is still a chance we'll be able to slam some of their yummy drinks at the bar inside the Hilton. And yes, they'll still be terribly overpriced. And don't you worry, when we finish the BOWL of alcohol in 2 long sips, we'll still glare at the bartender and demand to know where he gets off calling this a "drink for 2"?!

bitch slapped by a man in tights

Wow.... Slapping around a fan is a move more likely attempted by evil Spidey than wussy Tobey, but you can't argue with what's in front of you. Who does Tobey think he is? Someone cool? What an idiot.

Dear Abby gets a run for her money!

Microsoft has just offered the world something so amazing, we didn't even know we wanted it till it was here!! Now, I can think of nothing better! By clicking on this link: askcorey@microsoft.com, you are awarded the opportunity to ask '80s teen heartthrobs Corey Haim and Corey Feldman anything! According to the site, the Coreys will be guest columnists on MSN, and you can ask them anything. Seriously. Anything. From Goonies to girls. From rehab to acting to License to Drive drunk. The best questions will be featured in the column and answered personally by each Corey.

These shananagins are to promote their upcoming reality series on A&E, which we're waiting patiently to mock and secretly adore.

This is only the begining of a new era of Corey Fever!!!

Spring Break Rules!

Unless, like Joe Francis, you're spending it in a dehydrated jail cell!

What's that fool done now you ask? He has just been charged with bribing a jailguard for a bottle of water. Yep, a $100 for a bottle of water. When the bribe didn't take, he flashed $500 to the lucky jailer who still said no, and then busted him for it.

But that's not all! A subsequent search of his cell yielded a stash of prescription meds... Guess what you're not supposed to have in jail? Cash and Drugs.

The jackass who supplied the "contraband" (as it's referred to in the "big house") is none other than, Scott Barbour - The president of Mantra Films. For those of you that aren't that into to barely-legal-softcore, Mantra is the company that produces the "Girls Gone Wild" videos. Scott has been arrested as well.

Does this mean we can expect "Inmates Gone Wild" in stores this fall? Eat A Sandwich thinks so!

Want to to read more about sleezy Joe's dirty history? Read Claire Hoffman's tale of whores and horror at Latimes.com : http://www.latimes.com/features/magazine/west/la-tm-gonewild32aug06,0,2664370.story

A coke whore and an acrobat?

Some girls have all the luck....

Forget the sandwich Kate, eat some downers for heaven's sake!

He Ruined My Breakfast

When Robin Thicke had long hair and was singing "When I Get You Alone," he was kind of cool sexy. Not gorgeous by any means, but intriguing to say the least.

Sadly when I sat down to my english muffin and soy milk this morning I turned on the Today show and there he was really creeping me out!

Scary Scary Scary

First of all, the peach fuzz is unnecessary. If you don't want to grow real facial hair, just don't do it. Second of all, has anyone really listened to his lyrics?

Tell me it would break your heart
That u love me and all my dirty
U wanna roll with me u wanna hold with me
U wanna make fires and get Norwegian wood with me.

Really? Is this serious? Or is this like the Alanis "My Humps" video where you are making fun of some other horrendous singer that sings ridiculous lyrics?

This is not evolution, Robin Thicke, this is some sort of brain damage.

Another One Bites the Dust

Today our favorite crackhead, Miss Whitney Houston, was awarded custody of her 14 year old daughter, Bobbi Kristina. Luckily, the young teenage years are not thought to be influential, shaping, or crucial years for a child. Therefore, Bobbi Kristina should grow up just fine in this tumultuous crack den. Bobby Brown, baby's daddy, will attempt to overturn this decision. I'm told he's very persuasive.

Good luck Bobbi Kristina. You're going to need it. When times get tough, remember the immortal words of your mother, "Crack is whack yo".

Judge not....

Apparently there is a quite a bit of hype around Arvil Lavigne telling the sad case that was once Briney Spears to get over herself. Now take your time and try and remember who Arvil Lavinge is. Nothing? I'll help, she's that Canadian chick who pouts a lot and dresses like a skater punk with a make-up kit. She also sings, but who cares. The point is this, Avril may not matter, but she is right. This whole bald-rehab-babymaking madness with ol' B. Spears is pathetic. Its nice to see other meaningless, depressed, fake blonde teenagers are noticing that. Hopefully it means the next generation of crappy mass-produced-pop will sack up and wait till they hit Mariah Carey's age to have their breakdowns.

In the meantime Avril, may we suggest some flourless chocolate cake? You're looking a bit waif like dear, and that shade of pale can't be healthy. Remember Arvil, judge not, lest the be the next to suffer from "exhaustion"...

I thought she took care of this?

Ew.

I love Paul Rudd (Part 2 of Infinity)

I also heart Michael Showalter, the entire cast of Wet Hot American Summer, Bridget from "The Girls Next Door", JG-L's new movie "The Lookout", pizza, miller lite and last but certainly not least, I Heart Huckabees